Adulting.

You know,when someone said Adulting is hard,I could not resonate.But as a kid ,I never had to weep on a pillow by looking at my own life.I feel every adult has to go through this stage.Does growing old mean to cry harder?

I was too small, my mom would scold me for no reasons,I thought may be she is strict or I need to be perfect.But now she tells me that I was the only let away for what she goes through because of her in laws (?).

You know, you love someone not just for Sex.But to talk endlessly by sitting on the terrace and to be patient listener.Also aiming to be his/her priority.Also, to dream a life which is just filled up with sweet nectar.

You know, I had a story.Seven years back, a simple and beautiful story.It was filled with talking about native when away from home, a friend to someone who did not have many friends, an admirer for a tomboy, a reason to self love and whom I had immense trust and had hardly any fights with.But you know,if a story is too good,it would be too sweet to be true.So my friend was just a character in that story who helps me with the simple times we had.

But life is not scripted.Its full of "So" and "But".I had dreams of what would be life after 7 years?

May be my friend also might be rolling in the bed, thinking what she is upto? What would have happened if we were together?Right?

God has his own plans, he comes in different forms just for a trial period to show you, how  sweet our life can be.❤️

I am a Mom,Where is my let away?

When I was in my early 20s, if I was sad I would sleep as much as I can,but now I can't.I am a sober.I can't talk to my parents as I can make them feel sad.Can I talk to my son who does not understand anything?But why am I letting him face sorrows now itself?

Imagine a situation, A partner says, his wife could be his least priority.Also he remembers his ex girlfriend around 2 Am in the night and asks the wife to be a listener.Also the same person promises to change,but never.

India has normalised the concept of "Ideal marriages" .Millions of pillows could be wept.Millions of partners could be staying silent.Millions of kids could be getting bashed by parents.You know, the battle with the closest are the hardest ones.

People choose silence and solace.But it's too hard afford. A 20 year old,A 25 year old ,A 30 year old(all women) will have different takes on getting married.It could be at the extreme end of the spectrum.All will have beautiful dreams(atleast a hand few) only to be shattered.

You know,talking about these topics itself is a taboo.So you sit and dwell, you remember the sweet times you had and a small smile comes on your face and you roll over to the other side of the bed hoping for a fresh day!

I ask God,why you did not make dreams as taxable?

Atleast people would live in reality ❤️💔.

Yeah "Live in Reality" was something which was true in my virtual life.

You know,this is a generational trauma,only to be passed to the next generation.

It was just that, many were silent and many spoke and were called by names.

Some other normal day,I could read this and feel like, "Why did I pen down these?"

But if it can give me momental relief why not?

~NH